“Not only are bloggers suckers for the remarkable, so are the people who read blogs .” - Seth Godin

Introduction:

This has happened to me before and it's really awkward. You go to meet a client for the first time or an event. Maybe it is a family gathering or a conference and you are having a hard time with the conversations because you barely know them.

You start the conversation but you don't feel any connection with them, even though you know it's important to build some rapport. But then there's this awful awkward silence.

Awkward Silence

By the way, how long do you think silence has to be present before it becomes awkward? Believe it or not, you can google that question and you might find a report from NBC News that shows a study done by a Dutch Psychologist indicated that when 4 seconds of silence was experienced in a conversation, people began to feel awkward.

According to the published paper, "People who experienced the awkward silence reported feeling “distressed, afraid, hurt, and rejected.” Not exactly what we are striving for when we are trying to build rapport.

When it comes to silence in the conversation, less is definitely more! Experiencing too much silence can make people feel uncomfortable and can even ruin relationships. In order to avoid this, try to keep the conversation flowing by being an active listener and avoiding long pauses.

When we are trying to connect with someone, we need to find some common ground. In his best selling book, Everyone Communicates, Few Connect, John Maxwell says "It's difficult to find common ground with others when the only person you're focused on is yourself" 

Conversation Stack

Years ago, I took the Dale Carnegie course and I found a tool that is really quite useful in overcoming this dilemma. It was something that really stuck with me and helped me overcome some of my introverted tendencies.

The concept used is called a conversation stack. It helps you associate images and topics that help you blend into an open-ended conversation.

There are variations and I think you could probably come up with your own ideas but this is the one I heard.

1. Picture a large Brass Name Plate, floating in the air and it has their name on it. Often someone tells me their name when we meet only to have me forget it 2 seconds later. It can be beneficial to have them repeat it again if you didn't hear it right.

2. Picture the Name plate on the Front of a Big house. Maybe you give a special color to the house to make it stand out to make it more memorable but this is where you want to ask them about where they live or maybe where they grew up.

3. Now picture a bunch of kids playing in the front yard. which prompts questions about their family, if they have one.

4. On the chimney of the house, you see a massively large Work Glove. they are prompting questions about what they do for work.

5. In the hand of the work glove is a huge tennis racket representing their interests, hobbies, sports, and other activities.

6. And finally, stuck in the webbing of the Tennis racket is an airplane which symbolizes places they have traveled to or maybe where they would like to travel to.

Silence can be awkward. We’ve all been in a situation where the conversation just fizzles out and we don’t know what to say next. That’s why it’s important to focus on connecting with common ground. Finding something you have in common with the person you’re talking to will help break the ice and start a meaningful conversation. And finally, always remember the Conversation Stack – it will keep your conversations flowing smoothly! What are some of your favorite tips for having great conversations?